Help them See what you See

Story #20 is another tear jerker for me and maybe contains the lesson that is most impactful. The lesson is "tell people about the greatness you see in them" because we are all blind to our own greatness. You may get stuck on the word greatness, dont worry I did too. The way I reconcile this is to think of the people I spend time with. I choose to hang around with them because they add tremendous value to my life and there are times that their thoughts and actions blow my mind. I can see the pains they have overcome and their ultra rare selflessness. They dont even see it, they are just being themselves. The same is true for you and I.

I discovered this because I had a couple of teachers who pointed out what they saw. This was huge because I had resigned myself to believing I was of little value. If you dont know Im a bit of a performer and that started when I was young. I was the class clown that always had a smile on my face but behind the mask there was a broken lost little boy. I had come to believe that no one wanted the hurt fragile me, they just wanted the fun playful me.

It was a lonely sad time for me and I didnt see any way out. Until my teacher told me she knew I was hiding something. Theres was some ugly crying because for the first time in my young life I felt seen. This is a basic human need, to be seen has  a transformative affect. But how often do you let the special people in your life precisely what you see?

But, its not just about seeing someones pain and triggering a healing process. You can also help people see a bigger, greater version of themselves. I know this because my 9th grade psychology teacher did a thing that helped me see I wasnt just a jock. The details of that enormous gift are in the book. wink wink😉😜 

After delivering a gift and telling me what she saw I walked away a poet, a writer, a young man that could write. I walked away a higher version of myself. And all it took was her taking the time to let me know what she saw.

Now you may be thinking "this hasnt happened to me" and Im gonna tell you that I only have 2 examples because I was an expert at hiding. And something tells me you too are pretty good at masking that enormously great thing about you or when people point it out to you your impulse is to reject or minimize it. I feel you, me too. It wasnt until my mid thirties that I began learning how to receive positive observations. My #friendtor Henry Nutt III has introduced the idea of saying "thank you and I receive that"  

Try it, its a game changer. 

So whats the point? The point is be courageous and let your people know what you see in them. Be specific about what you appreciate in them. Reflect to them what you see cuz they cant see it. And keep doing it until they do.

If you want to see a superb example of what this looks like, check out this conversation with The Uncommon Communicator.

and go let someone special to you what you see in them. #dothedamnthing