Are "they" the problem

The lesson in Story #12 is about finding "guides". These guides are people that are living the life we want. Finding them and inviting them to speak into our lives is the target. They have learned many lessons the hard way, they know where the trip hazards are, they know the peaks and valleys. They can help us keep pace and get to our destination faster.

I wish the story was one where I went on a mission to find a teacher, but it was far more clunky. For a few years I had signals all around me telling me "You are doing it wrong". I intellectualized these moments, brushed them off as bad luck. And that just made the whispers get louder. I was introduced to a new community but in my head they weren't like me. I viewed them through the superficial accomplishments they didnt have. I elevated myself against them because of all the goals I had conquered. The interesting thing is they kept inviting me in while all I did was reject them. 

I failed to see their contributions. Contributions to each other and themselves. I couldnt understand the value of contribution. I wondered why would anyone give their time away, spend energy and not have anything to show for it. I was about to learn my appetite to conquer & win was just a disguise. I had a hole in my soul that required attention, and only my attention could mend it. 

The compulsion to "win" was a distraction. I turned everything into a competition, conversations turned into arguments, opposing opinions turned into bets, A smile from a lady turned into a challenge. I didnt know I was the source of all the conflict, I was not aware that I generated conflict to stay out of my thoughts. I filled my time with people and things to avoid years and years of thoughts and feelings.

I wonder, what do you stir up around you to avoid sitting in your thoughts? 

I did want all the messiness around me to settle down but I didnt know how to. Then my guide showed up, it was more like I was ready to see him than him just showing up. He helped me see how I was the source of my pain. His approach was different though, many people had told me "just stop" "settle down". He didnt do that, he observed me and helped me see that I was choosing not to stop, he showed me that all the disfunction was a result of me trying to control everything. He showed me that control is an illusion and I was hiding behind it. I learned that my mind was either stuck in yesterday or jumping into tomorrow and I was losing out on today. I was doing all of this alone and the dark part of it is, I did it to avoid facing what was within me.

I eventually surrendered to his guidance even though some of that guidance was flipping radical. Even now I look back and wonder how in the world did I do that? Youll have to read the story to get the juicy details

The biggest thing I learned through his guidance is all we have is RIGHT NOW. But we cant experience the Joy in this moment because we distract ourselves, we fill ourselves with fear, dilute our minds, hold on to ideas that no longer serve us. These patterns are etched into our core, so much so that we cant see them. Good news is we dont have to stay stuck. I got unstuck by inviting someone into my life that I was able to get on my path to Becoming the Promise I am Intended to Be. 

So, who are you doing life with?